Health/Weight Loss

Heh. Holiday weeks. When will I ever learn?

I find that when I don’t work, I have terrible munchies. At work, I’m on a good schedule. Breakfast 8am….snack 10am…lunch noon….afternoon snack #1…2pm…afternoon snack #2 (pre-workout) 5pm…dinner 8pm. It’s fairly easy to follow, because I keep busy at work, and really am able to listen to my body’s hunger signals. However, at home..I just want to eat. Ugh. After a 4 day weekend, here comes the ugly, honest truth (which I’m sure a good bit of it is bloat from how I ate the past two days, especially).

Week 77: 226.2
Week 78: 230.4

Weight Lost: +4.2 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 68.1 lbs.

Yeah. What a mess. All I can say is that I’m gonna do better this week. I’m optimistic that a good bit of this is bloat, because there’s NO way I went over my calories 3500 * 4.

One day I’m gonna get better at this whole holiday thing. Time to kick this week’s booty. 🙂

This past week felt really good. I stayed within my calories 6 out of the 7 days, worked out 4 times this week AND upped the weights on some shoulder machines at the gym.

I’m also back to enjoying my occasional splurge meal, and Saturday’s dinner was just that for me. We went bowling with friends Saturday evening, and afterwards, I enjoyed a large (mainly because of the large amount of lettuce) “burrito in a bowl” with chips. It was insanely good. Tex-Mex is my weakness. 🙂 It’s just amazing to feel in control of things again. My cravings for junk food aren’t that bad anymore, and I’m still motivated like crazy.

Week 76: 229.6
Week 77: 226.2

Weight Lost: 3.4 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 72.3 lbs.

Some NSVs this week:

• My 16W jeans are fitting loosely again.
• I ran 1.5 miles last week, which I know isn’t that much in comparison to where I was. However, I consider 1.5 miles in this summer heat to be a small victory. 🙂
• I noticed when I was doing some yardwork yesterday, that it’s gotten so much easier to reach around the garden. I used to have trouble bending over and reaching for weeds, and I usually had to kneel down in the garden after a while to finish. However, I did it all standing up yesterday. This was a huge deal to me!

Once you fall off the wagon, it’s really really hard to get back on. There were the constant junk food cravings, the constant excuses…always saying “tomorrow”. I fell back hard and got pretty darn scared. I couldn’t gain back everything I worked so hard to lose…I just couldn’t.

I think this past week was the first week in a LONG time where I stayed under my calories every single day. I also worked out for 4 days out of the week. Tiny steps, but it’s wonderful to be back.

Week 75: 234.4
Week 76: 229.6

Weight Lost: 4.8 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 68.9 lbs.

I’m 4.6 lbs. away from my lowest weight (which was 10 weeks ago), and I’m just super glad that the loss this week was huge. It’s definitely a good kick in the tail to keep things going. While I know these results won’t happen next week, I’m just happy to see results like this again. 🙂

Some fun numbers I’ve been thinking about lately:

29.7 lbs. away from Onederland (199.9 lbs.).
18 weeks away from Halloween (my new personal goal to reach 199 lbs.)
49.6 lbs. away from my goal (which could change….but for now, it’s 180 lbs.)
4 sizes away from my ultimate clothing size goal (a size 10)
7 months away from my first half marathon

How was your week? Any victories or vents to share?

It’s been a rough couple of months.

Last time I recorded a loss was in Week 67, which was 8 weeks ago.

I’m gonna be real honest here.

Week 67: 225.0
Week 75: 234.4

Weight Gained: 9.4 lbs.

Yeah. I know. I know.

I want to be honest with you guys. Last week was my first run in a long time. Probably since The Color Run. I really can’t remember. I have gotten way off track, and I’m disappointed. I have been so scared to admit it on here, since you all keep me accountable. You guys have been rooting me on for well over a year, and this happens. While I did slip a little, I didn’t completely fall off the mountain. I’m still over 60 lbs. down, and over halfway done with my journey.

What happened? Well, sadly haven’t logged my food for a while, and I simply quit working out. My wake-up call was when I was at Old Navy last week (shopping for work-out clothes for summer). I realized that while I’m excited to be in regular clothes, I’m one of the largest sizes in regular clothing. Now for perspective, I was the largest size in plus-size clothes, so this is certainly an accomplishment. However, I’m not done. I still have a bit more weight to lose. I can do this. I did it before…I can do it again.

I am back.

1. I went for my first run last week, and even though it was only a mile, it was a mile more than sitting on the couch.
2. I’m calorie counting again, and truly trying to stick to my allotted amount.
3. I’m wearing my BodyMedia band again, so I can watch those numbers again & get constantly re-motivated.
4. My first half marathon is in 7 short months. I will be ready for that race.
5. My goal back in May was to reach Onederland before football season started. Now, my goal is to reach Onederland by Halloween. Who knows? Maybe I’ll wear a costume this year?

Anyway, for those of you who emailed or tweeted me in the past few weeks–don’t worry….I’ll be back to bothering y’all with obnoxious work-out Instagram updates in no time! 🙂 And thank you. Thanks to every single one of you for your support. You have no idea what it means to me.

Weight loss comes with a lot of changes. Both mental and physical. Sometimes, they’re wonderful, and sometimes, they’re kind of depressing (realizations mainly).

One of the biggest changes is my closet. I mentioned to y’all that my sister gave me her “before” clothes. Well, shortly after that, a friend from college offered me some of her clothes (she’s lost a lot of weight as well!). I told her to send me whatever you don’t want, and she filled up two bins worth of clothes. Whoa…

So, I organized my closet, and quickly realized that I needed to pare down on some things. My “before” clothes. Some of those clothes in my closet were from college. So, I went through my closet, and got rid of everything but my size 26 “before” jeans. It filled up two bins and two garbage bags.

A friend from high school happened to message me about my clothes (since she saw my weight loss statuses on there), asking me if I had anything in her size, she’d love to have it. Well, after going through my closet, that friend is getting two bins of clothes. (I placed the larger sizes in the garbage bags for the clothes drop box down the street.)

It was weird packing those clothes away forever. Those clothes held memories (bad and good), and I could easily go in my closet and know what to wear. I memorized everything I had. It was easy to get dressed in the morning for work…VERY easy.

After paring down and re-organizing my closet, I looked in there and realized that I probably had more clothes in there now than I did to begin with (originally). Crazy. Then, a good blogger friend asked me if I’d like to have some of her “before” clothes. Her before clothes are smaller than the clothes I received from my sister and my other friend, so I definitely knew that I could eventually use them (I hope..), so she shipped those over to me (Thank God for flat rate boxes!). Knowing that I have clothes in sizes 10-14 now in my closet (with size 10 being my ultimate goal size…I think) is SO incredible. My closet is beyond full with the help of generous friends and family! It’s wonderful.

One of my biggest worries with my weight loss journey was clothes. Clothes aren’t cheap, and I work in a fairly professional environment 5 days/week. Yeah…work clothes, especially, aren’t cheap. So, I’m very thankful. As much as I want to shop and buy everything in a regular size, it’s definitely easy to steer clear of the mall knowing that I have all of these options.

The only negative feeling that I have is that everything in there is new (to me). These clothes are unfamiliar, and it’s weird to not really have memories from the clothes in my closet. Am I the only one who wears a shirt, and can almost instantly remember something that happened before while I was wearing that shirt? It will take some getting used to, but this is my life right now. Lots of unfamiliar changes.

It’s always a bummer to write news of a gain on here. I know what I’ve been doing wrong ::coughsplurgescough::, and I’ve been slacking in my weight training. One of the things I realize in moments like this is that I’m only human. I will make mistakes along this journey, and this is where I learn those harsh lessons. Going back to my old ways certainly shows up on the scale…

Week 67′s Weight: 225.0
Today’s Weight: 227.8

Weight Lost: +2.8 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 70.7 lbs.

I’m not beating myself up too much, though. I know what I need to do to get back on track, and I can’t wait to see those numbers go back down again. 🙂

Some thoughts about the past week:

• I’m still so thrilled that I was able to run a 5K non-stop. It just feels so unreal. It makes the half marathon that I signed up for seem absolutely doable. Last year, I was struggling with Couch to 5K, and now I run 2-3 miles for a work-out like it’s no big deal. 🙂 Ch-ch-changes!

• While I gained weight, I’m going to focus on what I’ve done so far. I find myself being negative about 70 lbs., thinking that it’s really not THAT much weight lost (yeah, I’m weird). However, my husband bought a bike machine for our house and when he told me it weighed 80 lbs, I thought that was ridiculous. Then he said something about how he used to carry that every day (well that + another 35 lbs….he’s lost 115 lbs. y’all). What did I used to carry every day? After doing some googling, 70 lbs. = 14 bags of flour or 7 sacks of potatoes or 8 gallons of water or 2 bags of cypress mulch. It is unbelievable that I carried that extra weight around every day. So, while I gained 2.8 lbs. (whatever), I’m excited about the progress I’ve made so far.

• 70.7 lbs. down. 50-ish more to go. Oh…and 227.8 lbs. means only 27.9 lbs. until ONEDERLAND! Wowza. 🙂

After a holiday season full of fudge, bake-paloozas and a relaxing cruise (with pretty much any food you can imagine 24/7), I felt like I needed a gentle nudge back to my weight loss journey. I find that if I revert back to my old habits of eating what I want, when I want…without any type of portion control or calorie counting, it’s a lot more difficult to get back on track. I crave junk food more, and my willpower is pretty much non-existent. This was my first holiday season of my weight loss journey, and I learned a lot this time around….hopefully I’ll look back to this post before December hits this year.

Dear Self,

1. Count everything. Even those cookies that you had to get a taste of or leftover fudge that you scraped from the pot.
2. Don’t stop exercising. You may feel more busy, but oh man, just make some time for it. Jillian’s Shred is only 25 minutes. I felt so unfit after I took a holiday running break. Stupid stupid stupid.
3. You don’t NEED that second (or third) helped of sweet potato casserole. It’ll be there next year.
4. Those Hershey Kisses in fun Christmas colors are the devil, Bobby Boucher. Don’t buy 4 bags because Walgreens says you’ll get extra shopper’s points or something. You know you’ll eat those by the handful.
5. Just be smart. Think of how far you’ve come. You don’t want to see 298.5 on that scale ever again. Enjoy the holidays, by all means, but just don’t go crazy.

In January, I told myself that if I lose 50 more lbs., I’ll reach the ever-so-amazing ONEDERLAND before Christmas next year. I was driven, and then a blogger friend started tweeting about a DietBet that she set up.

I originally thought it was the craziest idea. 4% in a month? There’s just no way…4% at 250 lbs. was 10 lbs. in a month. I haven’t lost 10 lbs. in a month since my first month into my weight loss journey, so I shrugged it off and got back to counting. Then I thought about it. I am so quick to waste $20 on Starbucks or snacks…why not consider this to be a small investment in myself? I will try my best, but if my best isn’t 10 lbs., I won’t beat myself up over it. So, I signed up.

That month, I lost 13 lbs. Completely surpassed the goal, and from then on, I was hooked. Month two was a little more difficult, but I did it (by 0.7 lbs. that time)! After that, I thought to just keep going…I’ve totally got this!

Well….DietBet #3 was the most difficult. I became the person that I never wanted to become on my weight loss journey. I weighed in 3x/day, and if the scale didn’t say what I wanted it to say, I really let it affect my mood. I was scared of salt and sweets. I was worried about post-workout bloat. I was obsessed! I just HAD to reach that number in my mind. So, after DietBet #3, I’ve decided to take a break from it. I may go back in a couple of months, but for now, I just need to leave the scale alone.

I will admit that DietBet motivated the something out of me. I’m so thankful for the site, because it gave me a little extra pep in my step these past few months.

Here’s a before DietBet (beginning of January) and after DietBet (last Saturday).

I definitely can see it in my face and stomach area. It’s just crazy to be 26 lbs. away from ONEDERLAND. I’m pretty sure I’ll reach it before Christmas…in fact, I’m making it a goal to reach 199 lbs. before football season begins!

I’m sure you’re wondering about what I’m going to do with the extra DietBet money, and I decided that I’m gonna put it towards some new workout clothes. Saggy compression pants are sort of a fail, so YAY SHOPPING…wait, did I just really say that?

I haven’t been on top of my weigh-ins. (Oops) I started a new idea on here, and I’m sure to y’all it seems like I just sort of forgot about it.

To give you the quick version, I had a plateau, and those are just really hard to write about. Thankfully, I’m over it, and I’m back!

Week 62’s Weight: 230.4

::enter plateau::

Week 65’s Weight: 229.6
Week 66’s Weight: 228.2
Today’s Weight: 225.0

Weight Lost: 5.4 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 73.5 lbs.

Some thoughts about the past week:

• I wore a size 16 dress to a bridal shower this past weekend. I’m pretty sure the last time I wore a size 16 dress was my homecoming dance freshman year of high school.

• Running 3-4 miles each time is becoming my new normal. WEIRD!

• I’m starting to think of the possibility of fitting in size 10 clothing, which is my GOAL SIZE. I’m only 3 sizes away from it. It’s thrilling and weird at the same time.

• I’m 1.5 lbs. away from my 75 lb. mini goal. 75 lbs. just blows my mind. Hopefully I’ll be there next week…I need some new workout clothes! (see weight loss rewards)

Any victories or vents to share from this past week?

I’ll never forget that one time when my husband and I were at Target, and I noticed this lady. She was about my size, but she was rocking a cute maxi dress and wedges. Her hair was fixed, cute make-up and was just simply gorgeous to me. I’m sure she was thinking…I don’t care about what size this dress is…I’m going to just rock what I got. I have to admit, I was super jealous.

I’ve always had self-image issues. I’ll never forget the day when I wore my cheerleading uniform for spirit day, and overhearing a few people in social studies say whale jokes about me in my uniform. I’m not sure if that started my issues with the way that I looked, but comments like that never helped. In middle school,  I also had a serious bully who was pretty popular, and I really think her goal in school was to make me miserable…she won. She made my school years miserable, and she knew it. She knew exactly what to say to make me feel worthless…to make me tear up. You know that pain in your gut that you get when you’re on the verge of crying, but you want to hold back? That. That just…sucks. One time, two of the buses had to combine passengers since they couldn’t find a sub and everyone was sitting three to a seat. As a larger gal, I was on the edge, with my butt  hanging over. All it took was one big turn, and I fell out of my seat. I was so embarrassed, and to add insult to injury, as people were laughing, one guy (who was good friends with said bully) walked up to me, told me to go back to the ocean and spit on me.

I don’t think I ever told my parents what happened that day. I cried on the walk home from the bus and took a minute to hide the tears so my parents/siblings wouldn’t notice. That night, when my Mom was washing a load of clothes, I threw the jacket in to make sure no one in the house saw what happened.

High school bullying wasn’t as harsh, but my luck with boys was zilch. I’d watch my friends go to dances with guys, have boyfriends and I was just so bummed. My junior year prom date left me the majority of the prom to hang out with another girl. Thankfully, my senior year prom date, who was a dear friend, stuck with me….glitter shedding dress and all.

All of those experiences in school (except senior prom, of course), led me to the conclusion of believing if people don’t notice me, they won’t make fun of me. Or perhaps if I just don’t look at someone’s reaction to me, that would be for the best. In high school, I just started staring at the ground when I walked. I didn’t care how I looked, because if I tried to get into make-up or fixing my hair, people would notice me, which is NOT what I wanted at all.

I carried myself that way in college a good bit…doing this for years made me very shy and intimidated to approach others. To this day, I would prefer to be alone than in a group of people socializing. I mean, don’t get me wrong…I love to talk to others and hang out, but I always have this constant worry in my head about what people think of me. If I’m at a store and notice someone staring at me, I wonder if they’re just disgusted by what they see. I know this is terrible, but it’s just how I am. 

Since I started losing weight, I thought that would all disappear. I’d have a pep in my step or feel beautiful or…just something. I don’t. I still worry that people see a fat girl, and I worry about what they think. If I have a bag of candy in my cart, do people judge me? If I order something fried at a restaurant, are people going to stare at me? This past weekend, I went with my friend to a dress fitting and I was venting about how dress companies charge extra for more length (tall girl problems) and being plus sized. The guy doing alterations seemed surprised that I was plus size, and for a moment, I was excited, but that night in the mirror, I stared at all of my flaws and started bashing myself again.

It’s so strange to me, and I honestly wonder if people see what I see. I still see every fat roll, and while things are getting smaller, my overall shape seems the same. I still feel like that 300 lb. girl from last January. I’m surprised by my progress, and I’m not afraid to share it because it’s cool to see, but I still carry myself the way I did before. It’s really hard to change the way that I feel about myself, and while I really want to feel better about the way that I look, I’m just not sure if that will happen anytime soon. I really hope so, though.

Is there anyone out there who feels the same way?