Amy

Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Peanut Butter Frosting

April 25, 2013 by Amy Leave a Comment

If you put a bag of Reese’s in front of me, consider it gone almost immediately. It’s one of my vices, and I know I can’t keep that kind of stuff in my house. When my husband and I went shopping at Sam’s Club a few weeks ago, however, I saw Reese’s minis…in bulk. Ugh. I totally bought it, justifying that I would bake with them. Haha. Yeah…

Well, 1 bag mysteriously disappeared :-P, but then I was asked to bake up a simple cake for my work’s birthday club. Every month, they have a cake to celebrate birthdays for those in the office who had a birthday that month. Previously, they would just buy a sheet cake from a grocery store, but since my coworkers know I love to bake, they asked me to do it from now on. Um…how could I say no to that?!

I figured a Reese’s cake would be a tasty one, so I made chocolate cake with a chocolate peanut butter frosting, and then topped it with chopped Reese’s minis. The cake may not be the prettiest (ugh…my cake totally stuck to the pan in the corners so I used frosting to glue it back together), but darnit…it was GOOD! I had to pour dish soap on the leftover frosting or I seriously would have eaten the rest with a spoon. So good!

Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Peanut Butter Frosting
Source: cake from Ina Garten, frosting adapted from this post

Ingredients:

For the cake:

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour

2 cups sugar

3/4 cups cocoa powder

2 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. kosher salt

1 cup buttermilk, shaken

1/2 cup vegetable oil

2 large eggs, at room temperature

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 cup freshly brewed hot coffee

For the frosting:

2 sticks unsalted butter, softened

3 1/2 cups confectioners sugar, sifted

1/2 cup cocoa powder, sifted

1/2 tsp. salt

2 tsp. vanilla extract

1/4 cup peanut butter

5 tbsp. heavy cream

optional: Reese’s minis (chopped), for decoration

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Prepare an 9×13 inch cake pan by lining the inside with baking spray or butter/flour

Sift the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder and salt into the bowl of an electric mixer, and mix on low speed with the paddle attachment until combined. In another large bowl, mix the buttermilk, oil, eggs and vanilla together. Turn the mixer on low speed again, and slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry. Scrape down the bowl with a spatula, and then slowly add the coffee and mix until everything is just combined.

Pour the cake batter into the prepared 9×13 inch pan, and bake for 30-40 minutes, until a toothpick or cake tester comes out clean. Cool the cake in the pan for 30 minutes, and then turn it out onto a cooling rack to finish cooling.

While the cake is cooling, make the frosting. Place the two sticks of butter in a clean bowl of your electric mixer, fitted with the paddle attachment and cream it on medium-high for 2 minutes, until light and fluffy. Turn the mixer to low and add the confectioners sugar, cocoa powder and salt until well-mixed. Scrape the bowl down, and then, add the vanilla extract, peanut butter and heavy cream and mix on low for 30 seconds to incorporate the ingredients. Turn the speed up to medium and whip up the frosting for 2-3 minutes, until fluffy.

Once the cake is completely cool, frost your cake and if preferred, add the chopped Reese’s on top for decoration.

The Color Run 5K

April 24, 2013 by Amy 3 Comments

I was pretty nervous about this race. For one, they had the race scheduled to start at 10am, and around here lately, it’s either 85 degrees (full-on humidity) or 40 degrees (Brr..). I haven’t had much luck with warmer weather running so far this year, and it makes me wonder how in the heck did I run in 90+ degrees 3 afternoons/week.

We got downtown around 8am, because I was just nervous about the parking situation. I met up with my friends, and we took up a table at the Main Street Market near the farmer’s market to just pass the time. I ordered a peanut butter/banana crepe, because while the smell of bacon permeated around the building, I just wanted to stick to my pre-race tried and true (well, not the crepe part..the pb/b part). Around 9:30, we decided to walk towards the starting line, and we saw this.

::jaw drop::

The starting line was WAYYY up there (beyond the inflatable arch you see in the picture). Goodness…

…and 20 minutes later, this was behind us…

My friend and I realized based on the number of runners, there was no way we’d get a run in today. Just SO many people…it was ridiculous. We were standing around for a while, and realized the race was running pretty late. It was 10:20am, and we were still stuck. My sister heard that they were releasing people in small groups, which makes sense, but had I known, we would have edged towards the front more. Since we were waiting for a while, we decided to take a few random pictures. Here’s us & the shirts that we made with our team name.

I totally googled “color run teams” to find our team name, by the way. It’s not original at all. 😛

Before we knew it, we were in the front section by the starting line. The Color Run folks threw a few promo items, and after that, they mentioned that while this race is about having a good time, we shouldn’t forget about what happened in Boston earlier in the week. They said that a few teams even changed their name to give tribute to the marathoners, which I thought was a great gesture. 🙂 After pumping up the crowd, they started a countdown, and we started (finally) running at 10:47am.

When we started, we all semi-agreed to stay together. However, I’m a slow poke. I tried to catch up to my friends/sister, but before I knew it, I was battling a nasty side cramp, and decided to slow it down. I didn’t turn on my RunKeeper for this race, because I just didn’t want to obsess over my pace. I wanted to enjoy the Color Run experience, and just have a good, solid run. It was hard to keep running through a side cramp, but I remembered reading somewhere to inhale/exhale hard and that would rid of it. It definitely helped.

After what seemed to be FOREVER, I approached color station #1. Holy cow…major blue cloud!

I wanted to get some color on my race shirt, so I ran along the side and got blasted. LOL! Those volunteers were having the time of their lives, it seemed. After the blue station, my leg cramp started to go away (I usually have leg cramps like crazy the first mile or so…), so I told myself just run to one more color station. I can do this. At this part of the race, I started to get annoyed. I stayed on the left/middle part of the street, because while I’m not the fastest, I certainly was passing a few people up. My annoyance was from the fact that despite the great amount of signs that said “Runners Left/Walkers Right”, no one seemed to give a flip about it. It was hard to go around these groups of friends/families, who were really just strolling along. I didn’t want to stop running, though, so I did yell “Excuse me!” quite a few times to people who just wouldn’t move to the right.

It seemed like it took quite a while to get to the yellow station. I was happy to get there though, because at that point, the streets were a lot wider and I took it as an opportunity to up the pace and pass some groups. And yes, I did get a good bit of yellow color, too. 🙂 At that point, my legs were feeling fine (surprisingly), and I told myself…one more station.

The pink station came a lot quicker than the yellow one, in my opinion. I was in the zone, running wise, and was so thrilled about it. I wasn’t paying too much attention to the pink station, but I stayed towards the middle since I had a good gap there. Before I knew it, my mouth was FULL of pink cornstarch. Blech…a volunteer got me right in the face. I ended up coughing quite a bit, slowed my pace down to feel back to normal and saw the water station. It was like a God send. Sadly though, the line for the water station was ridiculous. I realized that I was probably a mile from the finish line, so if I could just push through this last mile, I’ll get a bottle of water soon enough. 🙂

It was then that my friend called me to tell me she crossed the finish line (and yes, I was jogging while talking on the phone…crazy!). Holy cow…she usually finishes in 30 minutes, so that means I was on track to finish in 45 minutes if I was (what I thought was) a mile away! So, I upped the pace a little bit, and before I knew it, there was the purple station. The last color station. WHEE!

After the purple station, I made the last turn in the street. There it was…the finish line was there. I looked at my clock and realized if I pushed it and made it to the finish line in 3 minutes, I would finish in 42 minutes. OMG. So, I went for it! My legs were a little bit tired, but I was thinking “OMG…I just ran the WHOLE FREAKING 5K. No walk breaks!”

Y’all…I can’t tell you how happy I was. Last summer, I was straining through 1 minute jogs, and less than a year later, I ran 3.1 miles like it was no big deal. WHAT? I got to the finish area just in time to watch the crowd throw their color packets. So pretty.

I would have ran towards the crowd, but since I was meeting my husband for lunch right after, I didn’t want to get too colorful. 🙂 Watching from a safe distance was just as fun, though. After the race, I finally met up with my sister and we got an after pic together. 🙂 I wanted to also get one with my friend, but she had plans that afternoon, and since the race ran a bit over, she had to leave fairly quickly.

All in all, I had a good time at this race. Will I do it again? Probably not. I think it’s a wonderful event for families and friends to get together, but it was just SO crowded. I also think it’s a bit on the spendy side for a race that isn’t timed, so I have a feeling this is my first/last Color Run. I think everyone should give this type of race a try at least once in their lifetime…it’s definitely a different race experience!

Thank you, DietBet

April 17, 2013 by Amy 8 Comments

After a holiday season full of fudge, bake-paloozas and a relaxing cruise (with pretty much any food you can imagine 24/7), I felt like I needed a gentle nudge back to my weight loss journey. I find that if I revert back to my old habits of eating what I want, when I want…without any type of portion control or calorie counting, it’s a lot more difficult to get back on track. I crave junk food more, and my willpower is pretty much non-existent. This was my first holiday season of my weight loss journey, and I learned a lot this time around….hopefully I’ll look back to this post before December hits this year.

Dear Self,

Count everything. Even those cookies that you had to get a taste of or leftover fudge that you scraped from the pot.
Don’t stop exercising. You may feel more busy, but oh man, just make some time for it. Jillian’s Shred is only 25 minutes. I felt so unfit after I took a holiday running break. Stupid stupid stupid.
You don’t NEED that second (or third) helped of sweet potato casserole. It’ll be there next year.
Those Hershey Kisses in fun Christmas colors are the devil, Bobby Boucher. Don’t buy 4 bags because Walgreens says you’ll get extra shopper’s points or something. You know you’ll eat those by the handful.
Just be smart. Think of how far you’ve come. You don’t want to see 298.5 on that scale ever again. Enjoy the holidays, by all means, but just don’t go crazy.

In January, I told myself that if I lose 50 more lbs., I’ll reach the ever-so-amazing ONEDERLAND before Christmas next year. I was driven, and then a blogger friend started tweeting about a DietBet that she set up.

I originally thought it was the craziest idea. 4% in a month? There’s just no way…4% at 250 lbs. was 10 lbs. in a month. I haven’t lost 10 lbs. in a month since my first month into my weight loss journey, so I shrugged it off and got back to counting. Then I thought about it. I am so quick to waste $20 on Starbucks or snacks…why not consider this to be a small investment in myself? I will try my best, but if my best isn’t 10 lbs., I won’t beat myself up over it. So, I signed up.

That month, I lost 13 lbs. Completely surpassed the goal, and from then on, I was hooked. Month two was a little more difficult, but I did it (by 0.7 lbs. that time)! After that, I thought to just keep going…I’ve totally got this!

Well….DietBet #3 was the most difficult. I became the person that I never wanted to become on my weight loss journey. I weighed in 3x/day, and if the scale didn’t say what I wanted it to say, I really let it affect my mood. I was scared of salt and sweets. I was worried about post-workout bloat. I was obsessed! I just HAD to reach that number in my mind. So, after DietBet #3, I’ve decided to take a break from it. I may go back in a couple of months, but for now, I just need to leave the scale alone.

I will admit that DietBet motivated the something out of me. I’m so thankful for the site, because it gave me a little extra pep in my step these past few months.

Here’s a before DietBet (beginning of January) and after DietBet (last Saturday).

I definitely can see it in my face and stomach area. It’s just crazy to be 26 lbs. away from ONEDERLAND. I’m pretty sure I’ll reach it before Christmas…in fact, I’m making it a goal to reach 199 lbs. before football season begins!

I’m sure you’re wondering about what I’m going to do with the extra DietBet money, and I decided that I’m gonna put it towards some new workout clothes. Saggy compression pants are sort of a fail, so YAY SHOPPING…wait, did I just really say that?

Spiced Strawberry Cream Cheese Muffins

April 16, 2013 by Amy Leave a Comment

Growing up, I have so many memories of my mother making breakfast for a family of 6. On weekends, we’d all get “Scramble Bambles” (eggs) or “Mickey Mouse pancakes”. I’m sure dealing with picky kids, this wasn’t an easy feat. We’d all whine over someone having a burnt pancake or heaven forbid the pancakes weren’t all the same size! I don’t know how my Mom did it. I really don’t.

In the afternoons, we’d either snack on bananas, smoothies or for a sweet treat, muffins. Blueberry muffins were our absolute favorite, and they wouldn’t last long in our house. I’ve always had a love for muffins since my childhood, and when we had some strawberries in the fridge to use up, I knew these muffins just had to happen. This was one of those times where my husband decided to bake. I sliced up strawberries and he whipped up the batter.

My husband is the type of guy who just loves to change up a recipe, and since you have to be sort of careful with baking, he thought the simple addition of cinnamon and nutmeg would make these awesome. 🙂 He also added applesauce instead of butter (which is ALWAYS a winner for quick breads and muffins). He was right…the spices added a wonderful little something to these muffins. 🙂 I will admit that I decided after the first batch baked up, a few mini chocolate chips wouldn’t hurt these muffins either (and I was right lol). C’mon though…when does it hurt to add chocolate to baked goods? 🙂

Spiced Strawberry Cream Cheese Muffins
Source: adapted from Confections of a Foodie Bride

Ingredients:

2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/4 tsp. salt

8 oz cream cheese, softened

1/4 cup applesauce

2 eggs

1/2 cup buttermilk

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1/4 tsp. nutmeg

1 1/4 cup chopped fresh strawberries, divided

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees, and line two muffins tins with 15 cupcake liners (dividing the liners in the pans with 8 in one, 7 in the other).

In the bowl of a mixer, cream the cream cheese and sugar together on medium-high for 2-3 minutes, until light and fluffy. Switch the mixer to low and add the applesauce and eggs, one at a time, until each egg is fully incorporated in the batter.

Add the buttermilk, vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg to the batter. Mix until everything is just combined.

With the mixer still on low, add the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt, mixing the batter until things are just combined. Add 1 cup of the strawberries to the batter and mix for 5-10 seconds to just distribute the berries. Scoop the batter into the prepared pans, and fill them just 3/4 of the way full. With the remaining 1/4 cup berries, add a couple of pieces on top of each muffin, lightly pressing them into the batter.

Bake the muffins until the tops are golden, for about 20 minutes, and rotate the pans 10 minutes into baking.

Allow the muffins to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, and then move them to a cooling rack to cool completely.

Monday Weigh-In: Week 67

April 15, 2013 by Amy 1 Comment

I haven’t been on top of my weigh-ins. (Oops) I started a new idea on here, and I’m sure to y’all it seems like I just sort of forgot about it.

To give you the quick version, I had a plateau, and those are just really hard to write about. Thankfully, I’m over it, and I’m back!

Week 62’s Weight: 230.4

::enter plateau::

Week 65’s Weight: 229.6
Week 66’s Weight: 228.2
Today’s Weight: 225.0

Weight Lost: 5.4 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 73.5 lbs.

Some thoughts about the past week:

I wore a size 16 dress to a bridal shower this past weekend. I’m pretty sure the last time I wore a size 16 dress was my homecoming dance freshman year of high school.

Running 3-4 miles each time is becoming my new normal. WEIRD!

I’m starting to think of the possibility of fitting in size 10 clothing, which is my GOAL SIZE. I’m only 3 sizes away from it. It’s thrilling and weird at the same time.

I’m 1.5 lbs. away from my 75 lb. mini goal. 75 lbs. just blows my mind. Hopefully I’ll be there next week…I need some new workout clothes! (see weight loss rewards)

Any victories or vents to share from this past week?

Strawberry Crumb Bars

April 12, 2013 by Amy 1 Comment

You know it’s Spring in Louisiana when….

….everyone and their momma is at Home Depot in the gardening section on the weekend.
….we all go crazy over a sack full of crawfish.
….the wardrobe goes from sweaters and boots one week to tank tops and flip flops the next.
….strawberries are everywhere and are DIRT CHEAP.

Lately, I can’t get enough of strawberries. When they’re $1.50/clamshell, something in my brain sets off and before I know it, there are at least 4 of them in my cart. Mind you, it’s just me and my husband (ok, ok…and the dog) in this house. So, I do go a bit overboard. However, at least they freeze well, and it’s good to know that I can enjoy these strawberries year round in that case.

Last week, I decided to go for my first warm weather run for the first time since…well…October? I’ve gotten used to running in cooler conditions, and my pace has vastly improved over the winter. However, when I went to run that day, the warm weather + humidity got the best of me, and I found myself sitting on someone’s curb in the middle of the neighborhood. Every time I’d get up, I’d see those black spots. You know those black spots if you’ve passed out before…I call those the point of no return. I was so scared that I was gonna pass out, but luckily, my neighbor was walking with her two little boys. She quickly went back to her house & got me water, and made sure I made it home OK. I was so thankful for her in that moment…I honestly never had this problem before, so I took it as a sign that I really need to slow things down again. Phew…

When I got home, I thought about it, and I figured the best way to say “thanks” is through baked goods. (Am I right??!) Since I had strawberries in the fridge, I figured I’d make something using those and came across these strawberry crumb bars. Perfect. After we made them, my husband and I couldn’t wait for them to cool…we totally took a spoonful and gave it a try. Let’s just say my husband and I agreed that these had to get out of our house ASAP. These bars are just wonderful!

Strawberry Crumb Bars
Source: Can You Stay For Dinner?, originally adapted from Smitten Kitchen

Ingredients:

1 2/3 cups sugar, divided

1 1/4 tsp. baking powder

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, cold and cut into small cubes

1 egg, lightly beaten

1/4 tsp. salt

juice and zest of one lemon

5 cups chopped, fresh strawberries

1 tbsp. + 2 tsp. cornstarch

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Line a 9×13 inch baking pan with aluminum foil, allowing for extra foil to hang over the sides of the pan so the bars are easy to remove. Coat the foil with baking spray and set aside.

To make the crumb mixture, in a large bowl whisk the 1 cup plus 2 tbsp sugar, the flour, baking powder, salt and lemon zest together. Use a pastry blender (or fork) to blend in the cold butter and egg. The dough will be a crumbly consistency. Pat half of the dough evenly into the 9×13 inch baking pan.

In another large bowl, stir the remaining sugar, lemon juice, strawberries and cornstarch together. Then, evenly spread the strawberry mixture over the crust. Then, crumble the remaining crumb dough over the berries. Bake the bars for 45 minutes, or until the top of the bars are just turning golden brown. Allow the bars to cool completely in the pan before serving. Cut into small squares and enjoy!

20 Minute (Pressure Cooker) Beef Stew

April 7, 2013 by Amy 3 Comments

This past Christmas, my Mom and Dad generously gifted us with an electric pressure cooker. I opened it, and quickly imagined a pressure cooker explosion in my kitchen. I’ve always heard that pressure cooking can be dangerous, so I was pretty worried about using this. However, I did a little research, and they make pressure cookers a lot safer nowadays. Thankfully.

It took me a while to finally break this bad boy in, but after the St. Patrick’s Day parade, we found our fridge FULL of vegetables that we caught that afternoon (What? They don’t throw vegetables at your St. Paddy’s Day parade?!). With all of these root veggies, I just had to make beef stew, and I figured why not try the pressure cooker for this? I did a quick search for pressure cooker beef stew, and this Williams Sonoma recipe caught my eye. 20 minute beef stew? HOW?!

My husband and I were skeptical. In fact, we had our Le Creuset at the ready in case the meat was too tough/not cooked. I just didn’t think this would work, y’all. However, after 20 minutes of pressurized cooking (I say pressurized, because you have to wait for the appliance to reach the right pressure before the timer counts down, which took about 15 extra minutes), we had the most tender, flavorful beef stew. I’m a believer. We definitely need to use this appliance more often!

20 Minute (Pressure Cooker) Beef Stew
Source: Williams-Sonoma

Ingredients:

3 lb. boneless stewing beef, cut into 1-inch cubes

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste

3 tbsp. olive oil

1 1/2 cups red wine

1 large yellow onion, finely chopped

2 garlic cloves, crushed

2 carrots, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces

2 celery stalks, cut into 1/2-inch pieces

1/2 lb. new potatoes, cut into 1/2-inch pieces

1 tbsp. tomato paste

1 1/2 cups beef stock

3 fresh thyme sprigs

Directions:

In a large bowl, add the beef and toss it with the flour, salt and pepper to coat the beef evenly. Put your electric pressure cooker on the “brown” setting, and add the olive oil as the cooker is warming up. Add the beef in batches and brown the beef pieces on all sides, for about 3-4 minutes. Transfer the browned beef to a bowl, and repeat until all of the beef is browned.

Change the setting on the pressure cooker to “simmer” and add the red wine, stirring to scrape up the browned bits of meat. Once your finished, add the beef back in, along with the chopped onion, garlic, carrots, celery, potatoes, tomato paste, stock and thyme. Stir everything together to combine. Cover the pressure cooker (and seal), change the setting to “high pressure”and set the timer to 20 minutes on the cooker (do not use a kitchen timer…it’s crucial to use the timer on your appliance since the timer starts when it reaches the desired pressure to cook).

Release the pressure naturally (which takes another 10-20 minutes, depending on your appliance), and then uncover. If you would like the liquid to be thicker, you can transfer the beef and vegetables to another bowl, set the pressure cooker to the “brown” setting and cook the liquid down until it’s reduced to the consistency that you want. Add the beef and vegetables back in, and serve immediately. Enjoy!

Being Invisible

April 4, 2013 by Amy 13 Comments

I’ll never forget that one time when my husband and I were at Target, and I noticed this lady. She was about my size, but she was rocking a cute maxi dress and wedges. Her hair was fixed, cute make-up and was just simply gorgeous to me. I’m sure she was thinking…I don’t care about what size this dress is…I’m going to just rock what I got. I have to admit, I was super jealous.

I’ve always had self-image issues. I’ll never forget the day when I wore my cheerleading uniform for spirit day, and overhearing a few people in social studies say whale jokes about me in my uniform. I’m not sure if that started my issues with the way that I looked, but comments like that never helped. In middle school, I also had a serious bully who was pretty popular, and I really think her goal in school was to make me miserable…she won. She made my school years miserable, and she knew it. She knew exactly what to say to make me feel worthless…to make me tear up. You know that pain in your gut that you get when you’re on the verge of crying, but you want to hold back? That. That just…sucks. One time, two of the buses had to combine passengers since they couldn’t find a sub and everyone was sitting three to a seat. As a larger gal, I was on the edge, with my butt hanging over. All it took was one big turn, and I fell out of my seat. I was so embarrassed, and to add insult to injury, as people were laughing, one guy (who was good friends with said bully) walked up to me, told me to go back to the ocean and spit on me.

I don’t think I ever told my parents what happened that day. I cried on the walk home from the bus and took a minute to hide the tears so my parents/siblings wouldn’t notice. That night, when my Mom was washing a load of clothes, I threw the jacket in to make sure no one in the house saw what happened.

High school bullying wasn’t as harsh, but my luck with boys was zilch. I’d watch my friends go to dances with guys, have boyfriends and I was just so bummed. My junior year prom date left me the majority of the prom to hang out with another girl. Thankfully, my senior year prom date, who was a dear friend, stuck with me….glitter shedding dress and all.

All of those experiences in school (except senior prom, of course), led me to the conclusion of believing if people don’t notice me, they won’t make fun of me. Or perhaps if I just don’t look at someone’s reaction to me, that would be for the best. In high school, I just started staring at the ground when I walked. I didn’t care how I looked, because if I tried to get into make-up or fixing my hair, people would notice me, which is NOT what I wanted at all.

I carried myself that way in college a good bit…doing this for years made me very shy and intimidated to approach others. To this day, I would prefer to be alone than in a group of people socializing. I mean, don’t get me wrong…I love to talk to others and hang out, but I always have this constant worry in my head about what people think of me. If I’m at a store and notice someone staring at me, I wonder if they’re just disgusted by what they see. I know this is terrible, but it’s just how I am.

Since I started losing weight, I thought that would all disappear. I’d have a pep in my step or feel beautiful or…just something. I don’t. I still worry that people see a fat girl, and I worry about what they think. If I have a bag of candy in my cart, do people judge me? If I order something fried at a restaurant, are people going to stare at me? This past weekend, I went with my friend to a dress fitting and I was venting about how dress companies charge extra for more length (tall girl problems) and being plus sized. The guy doing alterations seemed surprised that I was plus size, and for a moment, I was excited, but that night in the mirror, I stared at all of my flaws and started bashing myself again.

It’s so strange to me, and I honestly wonder if people see what I see. I still see every fat roll, and while things are getting smaller, my overall shape seems the same. I still feel like that 300 lb. girl from last January. I’m surprised by my progress, and I’m not afraid to share it because it’s cool to see, but I still carry myself the way I did before. It’s really hard to change the way that I feel about myself, and while I really want to feel better about the way that I look, I’m just not sure if that will happen anytime soon. I really hope so, though.

Is there anyone out there who feels the same way?

Fat Girl Moments

March 27, 2013 by Amy 2 Comments

Funny things are happening to me when it comes to weight loss. My body has changed so much, but for me, I’m finding it hard to mentally catch up. It’s hard to tell your brain…hey you’re about 30 lbs. away from seeing 1XX lbs. on the scale. You’re doing great! Rather, I still have many moments where I’m back to being the 298 lb. gal.

For example, when my husband and I went on a cruise last December, there was a store in the Cayman Islands that sold rum cakes. It was so crowded in there, and it was hard to get around. At one point, I saw a small opening between two displays, and I joked to my husband that I was totally gonna knock over a display of rum cakes. I didn’t. It was bizarre, and then it hit me…weight loss… I guess I’m thinner than I thought?

This past weekend when I went to the mall to return the gifts that were too big on me, I immediately walked back to the plus size section, saw a cute shirt, grabbed the hanger in the very back, saw 3x and then it hit me…I’m not a 3x anymore. I don’t even fit in this section anymore. I just returned 1x shirts. It’s the most bizarre feeling to walk in the regular sizes sections. I feel like I just don’t belong here. The plus size section was all that I knew, and now walking into an area that is unfamiliar to me just felt so wrong.

I decided afterwards to try on Gap clothes. I walked in that store with my head down, hoping no one would notice the fat girl trying on their clothes. I was wondering if the workers were freaking out about me stretching out everything or something. It was so weird and bizarre to step foot in here for myself. I’ve never worn anything from Gap in my life. What was I doing here? I ended up grabbing three shirts and just silently hoping…please don’t be too tight…please? Your size chart said I’ll be fine, so please work out for me. They, of course, did, and I grabbed the shirts, paid for them and immediately left the mall. When I got to my car, I put my bags on the seat, and just had to take in what happened for a bit. Regular sizes. This is me now. Regular sizes.

Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, I face the side and expect something different. My body is reshaping. Rolls are disappearing…things are starting to curve inward. It catches me off guard every time. I’ve grown so accustomed to seeing myself in a certain way, and it’s different now. It’ll (hopefully) keep getting different, but for me, I think I’m just going to keep having these moments where I see myself as my former (larger) self.

Anyone else in this boat? Or am I just weird?

Raspberry Swirl Mini Cheesecakes

March 26, 2013 by Amy 3 Comments

Isn’t it a shame how quickly the weekends fly by? I feel like the ultra-productive ones leave me longing for another weekend. This past weekend was one of those weekends. I swear, I took 3 trips to Lowes and Home Depot to get more flowers or plants, only to think that the garden definitely needed something more. The third time, I went on Saturday. You would have thought they were practically giving away flowers or something. It was packed…like Black Friday packed. Everyone got the Spring itch at the same time, I guess.

After all of that work outside, I spent most of Sunday doing some Spring cleaning. Junk mail stinks y’all….I wish I actually kept up with it, but nope. I usually regret sifting through a huge pile a few weeks later. Once that was done, I definitely was in the mood to bake. I had a good bit of cream cheese in the fridge that as about to expire, and I’ve had this recipe starred on Google Reader for quite some time (as usual). It did take a little bit longer to throw together the three components (crust, cheesecake filling, raspberry topping), and since you’re making about 3 dozen little cheesecakes vs. one large one, it can be a little tedious. However, I found it completely worth it. These desserts are adorable (I mean, who doesn’t like mini desserts?), and they taste great! I think they would be perfect for a Spring party or for Easter.

Raspberry Swirl Mini Cheesecakes
Source: Annie’s Eats, originally found in Martha Stewart’s Cupcakes

Ingredients:

For the crust:

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs

4 tbsp. unsalted butter, melted

3 tbsp. sugar

For the raspberry swirl:

6 oz. fresh raspberries

2 tbsp. sugar

For the cheesecake filling:

2 lbs. cream cheese, at room temperature

1 1/2 cups sugar

Pinch of salt

1 tsp. vanilla extract

4 large eggs, at room temperature

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Line your cupcake pans with cupcake liners. In a small bowl, add the graham cracker crumbs, butter and sugar. Stir everything together until everything is well mixed and the dry ingredients are moistened. Measure 1 tbsp. of the graham cracker mixture into the bottom of each cupcake liner, and press down (I used a 1/4 cup flat measuring cup.). Bake the crusts for about 5 minutes, until set, and transfer them to a cooling rack.

While the crusts are cooling, make the raspberry puree by blending the raspberries and sugar together in a blender or food processor until smooth. Pour the puree through a fine mesh sieve to remove the seeds.

To make the cheesecake filling, beat the cream cheese on medium-high speed for 3 minutes, until fluffy. Add in the sugar and mix until smooth. Then, mix in the salt and vanilla. Add in the eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition.

To prepare the cheesecakes, add 3 tbsp. of the cheesecake filling on top of the crusts. Then, dab 1/2 tsp. of the raspberry puree in small dots over the filling. Use a toothpick to swirl the raspberry puree in for a marbled effect.

Bake the cheesecakes for about 22 minutes (until the filling is set), rotating the pans halfway through the baking process. Transfer the cheesecakes to a cooling rack and allow them to cool to room temperature. Then chill the cheesecakes in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours before serving.

Amy

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