I love babies. I love kids. I want kids….someday. Just not today or anytime soon, for that matter.
Ever since the wedding, my husband and I have had the questions/subtle/not so subtle hints as to when we’re bringing a baby into this world. It’s almost expected that once you get married, you are expected to have kids. Most married people sympathize, understand and are rolling their eyes thinking of the last time it happened to them.
It’s not just relatives and friends. It’s sometimes even strangers…people who don’t really know us, but think, just because we’re married, I’m now basically a uterus. A body part that will incubate and grow a baby. At baby showers, my belly gets stared at, as if I’m about to burst out and admit that I’m pregnant. What I want to SCREAM is “Nope, there’s nothing in there but an excessive amount of fat, people!”
I might be considered selfish. Heck, I spent 5 years in college studying a field dominated by men. You don’t see too many women kicking ass and taking names in my field. It’s a newer IT field too, so currently, the more I know and the faster I learn it, the better off I am, career wise. I don’t really WANT to take a few months out of this career driven momentum that I have to take care of a child.
Also, I’m scared. I babysat for years, but to know that I’m 1 of 2 people who will carry the most potential influence in this child’s life, scares me. I mess up a lot, and I think I need a little while to mature and be fully ready for this.
I’m also scared for my and my future child’s health at my current weight. I’ve been told that I would be high risk, very possibly develop gestational diabetes and heck, adding weight to my current frame, I would be VERY sluggish. I’m already fairly sluggish feeling. It would be wrong for me to carry a child at my current weight. I’d much rather be healthier, providing the most optimum conditions in my body to grow/birth a baby.
So, here’s my apology to the strangers, family, friends…I do not expect to be pregnant anytime soon. Trust me, I’ll let you know when the test comes out positive.